Does size matter? YES IT DOES!!!

We thought those teenage urges would linger on and that honeymoon phase would be everlasting, but now it seems you find your sexual appetite has dipped a little or a lot below the level it once was or you desire it to be. Well, rest assured you are definitely not alone, low libido is one of the most common sexual complaints and many culprits may be to blame.

So, why does this happen?  We all would love that steamy seduction scene in the bedroom followed by a night of incredible passion right?

The issue of lost or low libido can be a complicated question to answer and dissect. It is, however, your sexual guide for wellness so it is important to carefully examine it. Stubborn libido can be impacted by a combination of physical and mental health as well as emotional connection and sexual compatibility.  

The way we live, our lifestyle, yes it changes from each decade and each life stage we enter. As we get older and become busier, our sleep, exercise and eating habits tend to be the first things to be neglected. If these crucial survival habits are not nurtured, other biological functions begin to fall short, including our need for sex. These may then lead to a variety of physical health problems including diabetes, arthritis and heart related diseases; prescription drugs including anti-depressants and blood pressure medications may also be a contributing factor.

Then there are the crazy cocktails we can’t see but are constantly racing through our bodies, hormones, they play a huge role in the urge for coitus, and must be in balance not only for a sturdy sexual appetite but also a healthy body overall. The obvious culprits that lead to hormonal imbalances include pregnancy, nursing and menopause; however, sometimes hormones may be out of tune for an underlying reason which may be assessed and corrected by a physician and hormone therapy treatment.

If physical problems don’t seem to be the suspect for lacking lust, examine any psychological and emotional disturbance that may be present. If there is a mental matter taking up space in your brain, such as worry, stress or anxiety, limited libido can be a given side effect. An emotional connection is also necessary with your partner, unresolved relationship issues such as lack of communication or distrust are prime markers leading to dissolved intimacy.

Sex is meant to boost our health and quality of life, if your drive for desire is suddenly in neutral, it may be time to find out why. You might be surprised, once you tackle your dwindling libido, what other areas will just fall into place.

The big O, climaxing, incredible seconds in heaven, yes, that magical place we all desire to be when we have sex. Do you always get there? Are you sure?

The orgasm, though, we all have heard the word and maybe experienced them, do we really understand what they are?

Let’s break this down, by definition, an orgasm is an involuntary muscle contraction accompanied by pleasure. You would think we would know for sure when this happens correct? Men sure do when they orgasm right?

But, like in most areas, women are much more multifaceted and complex. We could have an earth shattering very obvious peak one time then the next it’s maybe not so clear cut. The female orgasm is a true adventure and art form we must all be partaking in and celebrating each in our own way.

So, how do you know if you have reached the ultimate sexual goal? Now, I can give the scientific breakdown of what happens in and around your vagina once you begin and complete your orgasm but I think the best way to explain it would be those moments when your body takes complete control over your mind. Those intense snippets when you give your over worked mind a break and your body constricts and tightens for an all-physical few intense seconds. You may be envisioning a scene from an adult movie with erratic thrusting and over the top shouting, but, every woman is different and this may not be how you experience an orgasm or it may be, but, either way is desirable and can be very satisfying.

For women, this process may start at the beginning of the day or beginning of the week even, so your partner must be educated and informed that the female species takes a bit more attention to get her to her happy place. Foreplay does not always need to be sexual, encourage your partner to be creative, write love notes, send you flowers or give you a massage; this will get the juices flowing in the right direction.

When the physical motions begin, don’t always just focus on the most obvious places, there are many erogenous zones that are very effective in sending women on their way to an orgasm including: ears, nipples, toes, back or simply caressing the skin.

We must first be mentally there to get there physically, the mind is our most powerful gateway to an orgasm, it leads us there, but then at the most perfect time releases our thoughts and allows our body to take charge and provide us with the grand finale.

An orgasm is one of those natural, amazing and incredibly powerful gifts in life; I encourage you to let your body show you what it is capable of. Allow your mind be clear and let your body guide you, even just for a few seconds, you will be amazed at what it will do for you. You deserve this little mental break and it is great for your health and overall wellness, plus your partner will be thrilled as well.

Romance is your baseline, then intimacy, followed by the best, passion.

Here are a few other tips to keep in mind if you are still finding it challenging to obtain an orgasm:

Hormone Levels: Your hormone levels must be at their peak to achieve an intense orgasm, so make sure you are aware of your levels. This can be performed from your physician or Dr. Cathy.

G-Spot: Make sure you know where your G-spot is located for this will help immensely, there are simple exercises and some classes available to locate where yours is, as every female is different.

Ben Wa Balls: A strong vagina is a powerful one, you may use these small, marble sized balls, usually containing a weight.

Sex, like everything else in life can sometimes become mundane and even begin to feel like another chore if everything remains the same each time. So, it is highly important to spice things up in the bedroom as often as possible and one of the easiest ways to do this is simply changing the position you have sex. You may be surprised how easy and effective these little tweaks to already familiar positions may be.

Now, I know we have all heard and probably tried the following positions, but let me offer some extra tips and tricks to increase their appeal.

Woman on top:

Have him lay on his back with his knees bent and feet flat on the bed, as you get on top of him put one of your legs outside his thigh and the other between his legs.

This will allow you to control the penetration intensity and direction while simultaneously creating friction with his pubic bone and your clitoris, increasing the chance for female orgasm.

Man on top AKA missionary, but with an added bonus:

Begin as you normally would for the missionary position, but then move your legs between his angling his body in a forward pose squeezing your vagina tighter. This increases the friction between your clitoris and his penis which offers benefits for both of you.

Standing up:

Running short on time, a perfect quickie position, this will make him feel very manly and you feel very sexy all at the same time. It requires a bit of flexibility and stamina but can be very intense and passionate. As you begin, wrap both of your legs around his waist, hold on tight and, let his arms swallow you as if you have been carried away. This steamy stance will allow greater penetration and added clitoral stimulation.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed and so incredibly vital for not only your health but your relationship, try not to be intimidated or scared, we all can use a little excitement and change.

It’s time to assume the improved position.

Dyspareunia or difficult and/or pain during intercourse may be occurring due to being physically unprepared, hormonal changes or even lifestyle and emotional uneasiness. If this is something you have experienced or are experiencing, rest assured you are not alone. Most people, primarily women, will suffer from painful sex at some point in their lifetime.

The causes, however, can vary tremendously so let’s address the most common and easily treated.

1. Adequate lubrication: Sometimes pain may occur if lubrication is lacking.

• This can be potentially be resolved if the female can relax, increase the amount of foreplay or apply a sexual lubricant.

2. Menopause: Unfortunately this life change comes with an excess baggage of unpleasant symptoms. One of those being a change in estrogen levels which directly affects the ability for the vagina to produce adequate lubricant, expand and contract and grow new cells leading to soreness or even burning after or during sex.

• The good news is often this can be avoided by actually increasing the amount of sex you have, sex increases blood flow to the genitals keeping them healthy and active. Increasing the lost estrogen is also an option; however, it is best to treat the condition locally before exploring general hormone therapy.

3. Stress: We can’t see it or touch it, but stress can stir up so much trouble in our bodies without us even realizing it. Stress can cause tightness within the pelvic floor muscles leading to major discomfort sexually.

• Prior to sexual activity, begin with massages or a brief meditation to clear your mind so your body can truly relax.

These are just a few causes, there are several more that may require medical attention, so if you are experiencing any sexual pain and can’t seem to find any relief, make sure to address your concern with a medical professional.

The beginning part of a relationship, it’s the best isn’t it? Everything is magical bliss and you wonder where this person has been your entire life and how are you ever going to spend the rest of your life without them. It’s called infatuation, an intense, but temporary feeling of fascination and intense passion towards someone. I am sure we would all love for this to last forever but, unfortunately, it typically has a pretty short shelf life typically six months to three years depending on circumstances and individuals.  

This goofy demeanor of paradise in a haze of glory accompanied with a permanent grin indeed has a chemical cause.  In the heart of infatuation, you will more than likely feel a euphoric sense because the dopamine center in your brain is fed and rewarded when this person enters your mind or presence. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps to control the pleasure center in our brain while also regulating emotional and physical responses. It brightens and highlights our connection, thus furthering our feeling of infatuation.  In conjunction with dopamine, adrenaline can also make its appearance with infatuation. Often called the fight or flight response, the hormone adrenaline is secreted in response to stress. Infatuation may not seem stressful but your body may think differently, similar to how you may feel right before jumping out of a plane or plunging into a cold pool. Adrenaline causes strong emotions and excitement leading the body to have a racing heart rate, sweating palms, dry mouth and increased energy, explaining the high state of exhilaration when you see or speak to your new infatuated interest.

These are such intense physical and emotional reactions we experience and they are amazing, but can often be mistaken for a true connection.  The quick, intense rush and natural high we experience will eventually fade, as your body relates back to its normal state, you can then determine if this is truly someone you are falling for and just someone you simply shared great chemistry.

Fantasies, much like dreams and other subconscious happenings that occur in our psyche are sometimes puzzling and can create some pondering questions. They may leave you wondering, is this normal, should I be having these thoughts, or is this possibly an indication of something significant about to occur?

Fantasies, much like they sound, are purely fictional and may perhaps indicate certain aspects of reality but as a whole these imaginary thoughts are illusions of real life coupled with perfect scenarios. In most cases, fantasies are a common part of the human imagination and as long as they do not consume your every thought, they can be quite pleasant, healthy and interesting.

Over 90% of individuals experience fantasies, so if you fall into this percentage, have assurance in knowing they are natural and perfectly healthy experiences occurring within your mind. It is often a sign your conscience is active and stimulated. An indication you have healthy, sharp thoughts dancing around in your head. Yes, these short moments of bliss can indicate you are sexually alive and this is your mental proof.  

Sexual alertness is not the only benefit fantasies may create; they can also decrease anxiety, stimulate your sex drive and satisfaction, boost self esteem and improve the intimate connection you share with your partner. Everything begins first within the mind, mood and visualization, the physical then follows, it may not match exactly the ideal mental scene you create, but I don’t think you will be disappointed with the outcome.  

Enjoy your fantasies; they really have the capability to do great things for your mind, body and sexual relationship. Our minds are complex and captivating, the imagination has depths just waiting for you to dive into, search within your own mind, the possibilities are waiting.